i wrote a love poem

i am afraid because my dad never taught me how to fish
i am afraid of drugs and the world and of france.
i am afraid of having a hard heart,
what i am saying is that i am afraid of being afraid.

the last time i remember not being afraid was when he was holding me,
but i am afraid of him too
i am terrified of want
and "i want you"s

and i don't think i am ready to love him
and he wasn't ready to love me
so we wait
we wait until we can be ready
but by then
maybe our love will have died
from kissing a little too long
with too little space between us
but 2.5 hours separating our hearts.

he breathed into my heart long enough to kill me
and he kissed me just long enough to die.
i am afraid to die.

i wrote a love poem about him
it talks about the color of his eyes
and his fingers on my bare skin.
i wrote a love poem about the future

i am afraid of the future.

the poem was about flowers and the color yellow
and libraries.
i couldn't tell him that i loved him
because i am too afraid of what that means.
so i told the library that i love it,
he said that he loved it too.
so maybe we don't love each other-
but we both loved the library.
and that means more than i could say with a metaphor and simile and anastrophe.