i prefer "see you later"

people keep saying goodbye in these posts and that's hurting me a lot more than it should.

but if you really know me you'd know that i'm right in  the middle of the hardest goodbye and i  don't think i can handle anymore.

 

and even if every one of  us keeps writing there is a clear, ringing note of finality sounding in all of our ears.

 

it feels  weird to say goodbye to Jane Addams.

i wonder what the last thing  was that her sister said to her before she died.

 

i wonder if she even had a sister. i'm just starting to feel like i  should know more about the person i've been  hiding  behind for months but that's how goodbyes are. they're frantic and sudden and they make you realize how much you never bothered to ask. because you always think you'll have  more  time.

 

if you really knew me you'd know that i'm a complete pushover. 

you'd know that i was never scared of the dark but i pretended  to  be so that i could get a  tv in my room.

 

if you really knew me  you'd know that i don't actually mind small talk because it keeps my  mind busy. i like to be busy.

 

if you really knew me you'd know that my mom was just  diagnosed with ms. and that i cannot wish on  shooting stars.

 

if you really knew me you'd know how scared i am. you'd know that i lie to fill silences-i hate silence.

 

if you  really knew me you'd know that i want to change the world  but i'm stuck being incredibly average. 

 

 

 

 

 

savanna jones.