i don't know what to do with my heart

i met you on an icy driveway with champagne on my arm--i didn't know then that you'd end up spending so many more nights in that driveway. 

champagne is sparkling brighter than ever, 

but she doesn't come around here much anymore. 

before january 17th ended, 

something really good

and really terrifying happened.

i never saw all of this coming. 

august 21st. 

the day of the total eclipse, 

i didn't get to see, 

but the Moon was extra important that day. 

being with you feels like i'm going in the right direction

the best kind of happ(y)ness. 

i love the uneven thud of your heart smacking your rib cage

when i lay on your chest.

i love when you look at me like that. 

you told me i was pretty,

you told me i was pretty, 

you told me you loved me, 

you told me you loved me. 

falling with you has never been easy.

and i know you don't like holding my hand, 

but thank you for doing it anyway. 

i don't know why you do those things

and then talk so differently. 

sometimes i don't know if you love me 

or hate me. 

or if i make you better or 

worse. 

just hold me while the sun isn't looking. (it doesn't count if He doesn't see)

lay with me softly in the dark. 

we don't have to kiss, 

just promise not to move

and whisper in my ear (things just for us.)

i leave again soon.

do you think about me

i don't have any idea what to do with my heart.