i bend my veins into patterns that make you feel at home

i wrote a suicide note on here.
but i deleted it because i knew it would make people feel bad.
i loved you all with everything i had;
with every ounce of strength i could muster,
i wiped your tears through gritted teeth.
i clenched my fists around razor blades so that i could keep listening.
i ask them if they are okay before i ask for their name,
because i know that they aren't.
you would never have to lose yourself for me to find you.
so i tie my wrists together to prevent me from opening the bottle.
and i stay another day.
another goddamn day.
i stayed for you and him and her and them.
everything has always been about everyone else but me.