not okay
i've been writing suicide notes in my head like grammy acceptance speeches
dear mom & dad, this was not your fault, i promise. you couldn't have done anything different. i just couldn't bear to wake up and get out of my bed every day for seventy more years, let alone one more day.
dear kinsley, you won't remember me, but i loved you, you are so special.
dear jace, bennett, whitley, and chloe: stay safe i love you. stay safe. i'm sorry.
to colby: please don't blame yourself. i hope you will be happy. i love you.
no one tell riley. but if you do, tell her i'm sorry and that i missed her.
i just discovered your blog and I'm stalking it and I hope you are just writing this to write about something.
ReplyDeleteI still remember junior year (you were a senior) and it was the day after terik passed away. and you got up in chivalry corps and I don't even remember the exact words you said, but your voice was shaking and I saw tears in your eyes and you said something along the lines of "this is not okay" and it hit me. the feeling i had when you were talking is still something that is different than anything i've ever experienced. I think about that day all the time and how much you changed me and how much I know you care about others and how amazing you are.
Maybe I sound dumb writing this out, because maybe you are just writing this to write, but you are here right now. you are here, reading this comment, breathing, thinking, feeling. you are here. don't change that. you are here, and you need to stay here.
I love you Savanna Jones. thank you for changing my life.
stay, please