apathy

because i haven't been feeling much of anything.

i didn't cry at graduation and definitely not the night before. 

i ran three miles today and its only because i have been numb since january. 

glass is shattering around me and the only noise i can hear is a fifth grade guitar and november never lasts long enough. 

i haven't been feeling much of anything lately except for you because you've been different than him and him and him and him.

but you're exactly like she said you were

and he warned me about you

and that song was right

because we were wrong. 

maybe we were wrong but i haven't washed those jeans or my hair and you tasted different than he did. 

and maybe we just always run back to what we know because yesterday was the first time i thought about him in a while.

my mind has been going 100 miles a minute and i didn't cry at graduation and i just haven't felt much of anything except for your hands. 

his hands were love, his hands were cold, his hands were support, his hands were uncertain, and yours were impulsive. 

there is something to be said for apathy. because sometimes the only way to heal is to not realize you are hurt.