thoughts that aren't connected but need to be said

 

 

my neck snapped when i hit the ground. you killed me. but i'm the one who gave you my hand, wasn't i? you  pushed me off of the  ledge, but i let you because i thought i was learning to  fly. but it turns out i'm a  flightless bird and you're too cunning to be anything  other than a fox. i just hope you wait a moment before you devour my flesh.

one am showers are for the sad, the lonely, and the heartbroken.
one am showers are for people who don't really have anything figured  out and  are just excited that their water heater is fixed.
one am showers are for  drowning when  the rest of the house is  asleep.

i  won't ever stop coming back to  "your mom really loves you". why? i have no idea. but  out of all of the things you've ever said to  me, this feels the   most  important.



i don't remember a lot of things. like how i met my best friend or any of the  people in  my fourth grade class.  i don't remember when i  became a  dog person. i  remember kissing him, but  i don't quite  remember what  he  tasted like.  i  forgot that my friend  from   ninth grade was alive until i  ran into  him  the other day. and that makes me sad, no matter how  much i want to remember these moments i  don't think that i  can. in twenty  years the shade of your eyes and the feeling of your hand in mine  will be  gone. all the late saturday nights and the  early summer  mornings will be something of the very  distant past that might ring a  few bells but the details will always be hazy.

dear  former best friend: one time when  i was like  eight  i put your cat inside  of the garbage can in your  room.  i don't know why.

i'm begging and pleading and crying out to every god i've  ever heard of. i need someone to listen and i need divine intervention. please don't let  her bad day turn into a  bad week. but if it does don 't you dare let  that bad week turn  into a bad month which  turns into a bad  year. heaven forbid one day she  look back at her bad life and realize she is stuck in  bad love with a bad aftertaste in her mouth. she deserves better.

 i see myself in the reflection of your eyes and let me tell you, i don't like what i see.