don't tell me that I'll get an answer if I pray.

It's been over a year since we've all gone to church together.
It's been seven month since they told us; seven months since I met you. 
It's been six days since I cried for my mom.
33 days since the ER.
13 days since we last talked.
3 months since  I last tried to really talk to God. 
7 weeks since I went to sunday school.
6  weeks since you left.
5 months and 10  days since the crash.
26 hours since I felt his hand.
2 months since I started giving up.
7 months since the fear consumed me. 
51 days since you said you'd always love me and I'd never have to doubt that.
40 days since I knew that wasn't true.
4 years since I remember a prayer being "answered".
400 days since  I knew. 
16  years since we were sealed. 
7 months since that didn't matter anymore.
51 days since you said those ordinances didn't go away.
131 days since I told you.
131 days since you told me you weren't going anywhere.
31 days since she told me she had the same problem.
14 hours since I went to  church by myself for the 29th week in a row. Excluding October 26th.
4 months and 27  days since you gave me a  wish to  use on my family.
Its been 4 months and 27 days and I still haven't used it.
9 months and 8  days since the AP  calc test.
9 months and 7 days since I read my scriptures on the lawn  of the temple. 
Hours since I decided I can't handle any of it anymore.

I'm just a mess of numbers and none of them add up.
They keep  telling me not to  think with my brain, but I don't know how to  shut it off.
Trust me when I say that I would.
Wanting to believe  and believing are very different things and,
hello?
God?



It's me, again.



Its the eleventh hour
and I think  we got disconnected.

Why am I on  hold?
Why am  I not important?
Why am I still waiting?
Why isn't there any music playing, why is it just  silent?

Allah?
Buddha?
Muhammad?
Christ?
God?
Heavenly Father?
Anyone?